von Barkle’s Surreal Interview

Feb. 17, 2020 4:00 pm ET

Vegan Joke

Vegan – Doctor von Barkley, we were thrilled to learn you were vegan and wanted to advance the welfare of animals around the world.  

von Barkle – I feel it is my duty, oui? Animals for me is not just work and science, but a spiritual journey where each of us shares the same life on the same planet. I know there are reports it is just a social satire webcomic or just some short funny comics but no, it is very serious. 

Vegan – What brought you into the vegan lifestyle? Was there some tipping point? 

von Barkle – I was chatting up some cows and they felt strongly that carnivores were murderers. Actually, they said mooderers, but I got the point. Holstein’s have a thick accent, you know? They are right of course. Nobody has the right to take the life of another. Unless it is like a marshmallow. Which technically I’ve burned several to death, and then eaten whole. I guess in some respects I’ve done my share of murdering marshmallows. But I don’t think they should count.

Vegan – I’m a little bashful to admit this, but you’re a hero of mine.  

von Barkle – Really? That is very kind of you to say. I don’t feel like a hero. 

Vegan – What are some of your favorite vegan dishes? 

von Barkle – I’m a simple man. Usually I’ll just have some tacos de pollo, or maybe a carnitas burrito. 

Vegan – What? 

von Barkle – I recently discovered Mexican food and it is delicious! I go to a small taqueria near my laboratory. I love pollo tacos. 

Vegan – But, um, you said you were vegan. 

von Barkle – I am. 

Vegan – Yet you eat chicken tacos? 

von Barkle – No, sorry, you misheard me. Pollo tacos. 

Vegan – But pollo means chicken in Spanish. 

von Barkle – No. 

Vegan – Yes. 

von Barkle – I had always wondered why I was so fond of chickens… Tell me, does carnitas also have an English translation? My French is fluent, but I am not that conversant in English or, it seems, Spanish. 

Vegan – Pig. Is this a vegan joke? it’s not funny sir.

von Barkle – Oh dear. Well, it now has become awkward, no? 

Vegan – We’re not a group that appreciates your dark surreal humor, Doctor. We’re withdrawing our endorsement. And this interview is over. 

von Barkle – Join me for a carne tostada before you go?