von Barkle’s Press Interview
Jan. 14, 2020 12:06 pm ET
National Geographic – Your work has been attacked by both naturalists and academics as fraudulent. What do you say to your critics?
von Barkle – They think my work is a social satire webcomic or perhaps some sort of dark humor, but in reality the world is more wondrous than they can admit. They have not seen the beauty of Llamas conversing at dawn, or the innocence and wonder of two Penguins choosing a name for their child.
National Geographic – But scientists have not been able to replicate your experiments nor have independent observers verified your results. Surely you can understand their doubt.
von Barkle – Justice is my ally, and Truth is my friend. Well, okay, maybe not friends exactly. But certainly fond acquaintances. Like a former Boy Scout troop leader who always admired how you tied your kerchief. And, yes, I have a philosophical sense of humor, but I am devoted to the scientific method, and I’m merely furthering the studies of Dolittle. No doubt you’ve seen the documentaries of his seminal work?
National Geographic – Um, do you mean Dr. Dolittle the movie?
von Barkle – Yes, the very one. Their studies were published in 1967, and then also in 1998, which certainly replicated the results. Voila!
National Geographic – Those are just fictional movies, they aren’t real. In fact, it just supports the charge that your work is just funny comics.
von Barkle – What? I saw the animals talk with my own eyes!
National Geographic – They’re fake, just like you. This looks like an absurd humor joke.
von Barkle – How dare you! Monsieur, you will apologize, or we will duel at dawn with pistols. My work is serious, bringing to attention the plight of animals around the planet. I spent several years learning to speak walrus, can you say the same? You probably can’t even understand arctic puffin!
National Geographic – Okay, this interview is over.